the words that came out from my Angah's mouth on the 1st january of 2016 were... "if you think you're matured enough at the age of 20, i can set you up with my bestfriend. choose any of them then get married with one" WHUTTTTT?!
okayy i never thought that my brother would say that thangg ya knoww? okay, anyway, i don't feel like to get married when i reach 20. i guess, the ideal age i want to get married is at the age of 22 or 23?? which it means that 3 to 4 years from now then? maybe.. but... i don't even have any boyfriends...i meant, a boyfriend.. ha ha ha? punny. 2016 ima can be fucking funny yeahhh! (doing bitchy face or as know as cool face?) whatever.
i know i'm 19, and please please, before i start my school session on 4th jan, please let me think about 'marriage' okay? let me touch it a bit. hahahaha. when it comes to think about who's gonna be my husband, i feel a cramp in my stomach as we know, that our soulmate are the one who reflects ourselves. as a saying goes, the one who's good on the inside and outside would be met with someone as same as her or him. if you get the not-so-you maybe you are fated to change them for the better or they are fated for you to change you for the better. so to my future husband, just wanna let you know that if i can't be your first, and you're eventually not my first, i'm here preparing myself to be your last and inshaaAllah, you're gonna be my last till jannah. (KALAU AKU KAHWIN HAHAHA).
okay, now i'm gonna touch my post of 'the rose'. it was very very first time for me to be called as a 'rose' from someone i really loved for back then. and because being the rose is hurting him, he left me. so there's no quotes or saying that the man would stand for you how hard the situation is because it hurts him and when it hurts, he'll leave. i still remember his last saying,
"because for me, you're like a rose. the more i hold onto it, the more it hurts me"
so let me write a poem.. kinda....
THE ROSE...
have you ever loved a rose,
and watched her slowly bloom;
and as her petals would unfold,
you grew drunk on her perfume.
have you even seen her dance,
her leaves all wet with dew;
and quivered with a new romance
the wind, he loved her too.
have you ever longed for her,
on nights that go on and on;
for now, her face is all a blur,
like a memory kept too long.
have you ever loved a rose,
and bled against her thorns;
and swear each night to let her go,
then love her more by dawn.
have you ever thought about her,
and it made you fall deeper;
but you guess it was enough,
and you let her go, forever.
why i came out another post about him after a year or half of a year he went off? because i don't hold a grudge on him. and ever since new year, i wanna let you guys know that i pray the best for him with whomever he wants. i hope he will be better than before, i hope he would be a better muslim that can guide his beloved to Jannah. and matured in making decision and put Allah first in whatever he's doing because at the end, to Allah we will return ourselves. I thanked to my bestfriend, Chawda that has made us met again after a year, and i feel so glad with Allah for giving me the chance to create even more memories with him and this time, with photos of us. Alhamdulillah, he made me happy. he made me feel appreciated and for the first time, i received my favorite flower from my favorite person. how it made my day, only Allah knows. that was the best birthday ever that we spent together. my 18th birthday was the best. i thanked to him for trying his best to show his effort while i do so. thank you for the good and bad you left for me. because with those, i learnt so much things :') my 2016 would not have you by me anymore.
and now that i have gone, i only ask one thing of you. let her love you in all the ways i have tried to. how afraid you are, let her be your home. i may not know you anymore but i know your soul. i know how much you crave that kind of love, so for me, let it come from her. let her make you be the happiest guy ever that i failed to do so.
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