hi everyone.. well i was wondering of myself... am i ready? (ready what?)
well, i think it's enough. i mean, i should stop drowning into my own feelings and restless emotions. this is just ridiculous you know. as i grew up.. well i think a part of growing up is to be okay that you aren't right for anyone. so it's better to live alone. it's better to stand on your own feet like.. you dont need a guy aite? i mean, you shouldn't rely on a man. for most... most and mostly... a man which is probably you're not sure whether he's gonna be your husband or a trash. (your past i meant).
babe, who says moving on is easy? it's the third hardest after second hardest exam in the world (STPM). moving on is like... nahhh no one knows how it feels until you're in that shoes. you're gonna feel broken beyond repair... you're gonna feel hurt beyond broken. it's unavoidable. it's the most devastating...
okay, let me get straight.. losing someone that was once your world is devastating. it's a BIG frustration. no matter how many times someone will say it's time to move on it wont ever help. It's kinda like having a loose tooth as a kid. right when you notice your tooth is loose, you want to get it out as soon as possible. thinking about getting something from the tooth fairy is sointoxicating you try to pull your tooth out even when you only can move it a little. it hurts like hell and you keep trying but you just can't pull off a tooth just like that. you have to be patient. you have to wiggle it around and test its limit until you know its time.
i feel like moving on is like that. no matter what, you can't just move on after they leave. you have to understand your limits and you can't push it too hard. because...
you're gonna to hurt yourself even more...
i know I've heard it before and I will so much more in life because it's true, (maybe it's the truth)
time fixes everything.
and i found this quote : you must know that you can never get what has not been destined for you -Imam Ali (AS) -
maybe it's the truth. but i keep wondering. it have been 4 years... i mean, we've lost contact and in these years... i was never stop asking from Allah to take away my feeling towards him. i meant, the love, the passon, the affection.. i don't want it anymore. i mean, puhleashh i dont want it (im not tired, im sick of it). i know He has planned the good thing in the future. maybe, but if i was fated to be with him... hahhh i just hope this ended soon. (in so soon i mean). so every time i wanted to run away from him or get away from him, there's gonna be something happened between us. it's either because of my friends, his friends, or ourselves. i was wondering why it happened in few years..
i thought it has ended there, on december 2011. but i was wrong. i was totally wrong.
"If Allah has destined something for you, no matter how far you go or run away, it will still come for you. that's taqdir"
and if it is true.. i hope that Allah put His care on him. i hope Allah will put my heart in His care. i hope that this is gonna make me become even stronger than before. well, loving can be hurt sometimes, but it's normal, it's fitrah. sometimes you have to get hurt you know, that's how you learn. the strongest people out there, the one who laugh the hardest with a genuine smile, those are the people who have fought the toughest battles. it's because, they have decided that they are not going to let anything hold them down, they are showing the world who's the boss.
so girls/boys out there. stop being drowned into your own emotiones.. your reckless sad love story. just stop it. stop thinking about it. an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. when life is dragging you back with difficulties, sadness, pain, it means it's going to launch you into something great. so just focus, and keep aiming. so i've decided to achieve my goal first, i need to get a good result in my STPM. enough with love things. i shouldnt think about it anymore. i'm way too young to be ready for real in a serious relationship.
so, im going to move forward. i'm gonna get what i wanted in my life, then im gonna build my career, my name.. then the right one will come and stay of course. (that's why you should have faith in Allah). you should just let it go. sometimes you have to, not because you dont love them, not because you dont care. but they decided otherwise. it's because they decided to stop working together with you to make it work. (and they started to give stupid reasons where they're actually not ready for any relationship but..tuppp..tapppp... they have someone else and being together.) ((fuck off)).
so ya, there comes a time you have to stop crossing the ocean for people who wouldnt even care to jump a puddle for you. (though it's hurt) (i should stop writing about my sadness i guess. maybe im gonna write it again kahkah okay i should stop it here. i'm gonna write it in my book. for the book that i'm in the progress to finish it. yeayyy)
best friend is the best somehow. MUCH OF LOVE! good night everyone. thanks for liking my sad love story kahkahkah. bye (silly me)
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