Green!

Assalamualaikum everyone, my dear readers (is there anyone who wants to read?) hahaha whatever, so yaaa hiii!! today i made two different types of cookies.. one is in the picture, one is pineapple tarts. yummayyy!!!

     actually i dont even know why i chose green color instead of blue (my fav color). OK, i miss him actually... hahhhh , haihhhh *longgg sigh* but... what's with the color and him? it's actually his favorite color of course mannnnnnnn. he loved green since 4 years back then. since we first met, he never changed his favorite color. i stared at our old pictures together (well, it's not too old, we just took it few months ago haha)... the selfies and so ... hawww i miss him.

" ya Allah, please guide and protect him from all bitches and butches out there.. please, please take my feeling towards him away from my heart if we're not meant to be together... i cant take it anymore (i'm not that strong)"

well, it's hurt to see him with someone else, it's hurt to see him ...but it's hurt even more when i can't even get the chance to see him. that's why i decided to let him in my friend list. because it hurts me more if i cant get to see him :')

"ima, you're way stronger than you know. look at you, you've lived without him over years, you loved him over years.. (even i dont want to, but my heart moved its own way) you are way beyong tougher. you can do this, Allah loves you. he tested you with things even tougher for your best. have faith in him. you have to live with or without him. if it's meant to be, it'll be" -chawda-

my best listener... hahaha she used to give those inspiring words just to bring me up again. okay thank youuu. actually janny too, syaz too.. i mean all my bestfriends were just there when i needed them the most. janny and chawda used to be my fans of story-of-my-life.. they named it "manis" . hahahaha manis... aww that's so sweet. chawda found it in our name. he and me. but now, it turned out to be salty.. (hahaha)

     i was wondering... why... why it is such a mess when he used to appear in my life if he just want to pass through it and not to stay there for the rest of his laiffff. and i found this quote that says..

"if Allah has destined something for you, no matter how far you go or run away, it will still come for you. that's taqdir"

but it's hurt me when i started to realised that i don't mean that much to him as much as i thought.. you know.. and ...i used to think i've set a fire in his eyes but i learnt that was just the reflection of the one he set in mine :'(

it hurts me when
we used to talk for hours.
but, look at us now.
but that's okay.. i'm just part of your past..
your present is her..
the one who means the world to you
the one who wont hurt you as much as i did
the one who are way better than me..
the one that you can accept her flaws on the inside and outside
the one who wont complaint
the one who would loved you as much as you want her to
the one who you could stare with full of passion
the one you loved half heartedly...or
full heartedly..

but that's okay...
it's enough to see you happy..
because i know, i wont and couldnt give you that much happiness
like she did.
it's okay if i'm not your favorite chapter
you have written,
but i hope you sometimes
smile when you flip back
to the pages
i was still apart of..

and i know...
that this isn't the right thing i should write of. it doesnt have to do with my cookiesss thangg. okay whatever (wipe the tears) ohh too dramatic (play the photograph song by ed sheeran) bye! (damn).