but YEAY i'm in the progress of writing a book. nahh it's just for fun or for myself to keep it as a memory.. as a sweet memory of us. ahakss look like i kinda make myself busy lately so of course there's something fishy aite? well yeah, he came back this year... it's 5 months ago.. with explanations that i waited for. but not anymore. i meant, hahh *sigh* i don't know where to start somehow... i ... it's just fuhh wow! there bads and goods of course. ups and downs.. it's just. he decided to stop. he said, he's hurt. deep down he's hurt but look at my eyes... do i look like i dont feel hurt too? (please stare at my eyes as long as you want cause i'm wearing my fav lens!) *silly joke*
weh, hm it hurts me a lot since the day he asked me to leave him through wechat..
"leave me, bye"
i was like... eh eh waittt! what.. what? what happened.. well actually i sent him something. it's a deal. well, it's just a ..nahh you know, it's just a test as i really want him to reply me as it has been a month he stayed away from me. i do feel like he's trying to escape from me. he's running away from me (maybe he's bored or maybe he has another girl that's better than me of course). and of course, i said to him that i wont step back no matter what happened unless he decides otherwise (even it so, i dont think i could just give up)
of course, it's a nightmare .. a typhoon... the disaster... it happened in my mind, in my mind the night he decided to leave me by asking me to leave him. (i dont leave him. I'm not) i stayed and sticked to him till he decided otherwise at that night (shoo shadd..sobs) . eh i believed that in a relationship, both should make a move right? (but we're not even couple). okay enough. that's it.
but... how easy... hahhhh *sigh*
he's hurt... im hurt... but i've tried my best not to hurt him. i even asked him what have i done? nahh not a glance. not even a chance.. i don't have that chance. but now, i know.. i know where i stand in his eyes.. it flicks me back to the last of not-fake-or-bored conversation we had where he said i was down his feet. "tak lah, you sentiasa di tapak kaki i"
i know it was a joke (really?) but i guess, it's a hint... i never get the chance to be in his heart. because, i wasnt that good hahaha. you know, he has that look, that all girls were crazy of (i don't think so, i can't see where it is) but that's just how other girls described him to me. i.. i just fell in love with him. i dont know how, i dont know why and i dont know how to stop it. it's not because of his look or what.. WHUTSZZZ i never look at those things when i was with him (i dare to swear)
but i just realised that i dont suits him. he has that look you see, a way good family background than me (i sounds horrible but that's fucking true). while me? i wasnt that beautiful look which his exs' do have. i'm broke. (well that's because i dont work yet.. i'm in form 6, so do his new girl) oh wait, why should i tell you guys about her too? (it's because they are a couple now. A COUPLE. HE LOVED HER THAT MUCH TILL HE MOVED TO THE NEXT STEP.. out of the 'friendzone' with her...)
"while i'm here... he meant the world to me. but she meant the world to him..it's one sided love"
*SIGH* a bigggg sighhh nahhh done. i'm done. "it's his loss, he lose me and i've put so much efforts for him. it's not my loss"
but deep down, it's my loss too. i lose him :'( (imma sober.. REAL SOBER)
damn it. i made a confession. days by days, years by years, i feel hurt.. it's even more hurt than before.. as a saying goes "if you climb a mountain, wind blows hard and even harder as you started to get near to the top of the mountain" i guess, it's one of His test to his servant. Allah's plan is way better.. i know there's a reason why it turned out to be things i dont want it to.
but what i hope is, if it's one of His test for us to end it in a good way, i hope that it's a good ending even i'm expecting it for the worse. because "expect for the worse, hope for the best" is way better. i hope he's happy now with her. she's lucky that she doesnt have to wait for him over years to make him asked her to get out of the 'friendzone' because i've waited it for years. hahaha (silly me) .
since i loved him that much, i don't hate him (my friend said that imma loony because i dont hate him) well i think women can be stupid when she falls in love. well of course im gonna say that i would be happy for him as long as he's happy. but my eyes cant lie. im way beyond broken. as a saying goes." one have so much reasons to step back but it's their choice to choose. it's either to stay or to leave" and i chose to stay... but he decides otherwise...
but that's okay, the best will stay anyway.
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