it was raining out there... well biasalah bila dekat pantai timur, november and december are the saddest month ever because the fisherman cant do their main work. they will do other work besides fishing... and me? my routine was sleeping all the time, after woke up i'll go to the kitchen and what else i can do? of course.. i'm searching for food! then i'll go to sleep again. kah! what a lazy girl -,- yes on 27.11.2013 i dont know why im being too light to do other things rather than sleep. maybe i started felt bored? hahaha i went to watch an online movie. a japan movie "i give my first love to you". it was sooo sad! i cried. i cried watching it because the hero.. the handsome hero died in it. he died because of heart failure. omg i never expected that this movie would end with the hero died. damn man! this was the first movie beyond my expectation! i thought the hero would be alive after got a surgery because of his heart failed to function well. i never thought he would die because a hero DOES NOT DIE! i cried because he left that girl alone. it reminds me of the-story-of-my-life. HAHA! this japan movie really taught me to appreciate someone very well before they left us forever... actually takuma ya the hero in this movie, he had been controled his health by a doctor since he was kid. he had no friend until a girl came to him when he was sitting on a bench near the hospital. he was staring at the other kids who played soccer. he cant even run or play things that cause his rate of heartbeat increases. that girl is the daughter of his doctor, ayumi. ayumi was a naughty girl. he had glued the bench to play fool with a nurse but yet, takuma was the one who sat on it and that's why she came. to ask takuma to leave that bench. they started being friend from there until they were in high school.
takuma had been noted that he can only live until he's 18. if they cant find a heart donor for him, he will die. takuma and ayumi... they were madly in love each other. takuma had even promised her to make her as his wife. sadly, after he knew his live cant be long to get married with her. he started to make ayumi hate him. he leaves ayumi and left the school. he went to another school but it's not that easy as ayumi followed him. ayumi tried so hard to get his attention back. she gave him new hope. but no... it was just a moment until he got sick. he had been hospitalized.. and at the same time, the guy who liked ayumi had an accident and had been declared that he's a brain dead now. but before he got accident, he made a request to his family that if something bad happened to him, he would like to be a donor. he would like to donate his heart to takuma. and yes ayumi was relief that takuma would be okay as he will get a new heart form him. but no.. not yet.. suddenly the guy started to move his finger making his family canceled the request. takuma would die. ayumi was begging to the family but they refused to listen. she cried. but suddenly takuma woke up and he left the hospital. he took ayumi's hand and asked her to accompany him. ayumi refused to. she yelled at him and asked him to go back and get a rest. but he begs ayumi. he said that he wanted to make her happy for the last time. they went to do what they havent do. until he went back to the hospital and fainted. he never woke up then. she cried. every body were cried because..... he's died. lastly, you know what? things that made me cry was when ayumi... she fulfill his promise by getting married with takuma's ashes. aaaaa i cried! damn it. it was touching. hahaha im sooo touched!
at the same time, i was thinking about something. i was so curious about the hero's face.. takuma face was familiar to see but who? who was it? i was thinking too much i forced myself to refresh my memory card that attached in my brain. kahkah yes suddenly i.... i remembered.. it reminds me of him.. yes my best ex boyfriend. then, i quickly log into my twitter and went to his profile. it is! it was same! i... i really want to have a conversation with him... i.. i miss him. and this time i was so confident. i really want to talk to him. i wanted to be his friend again. but will us? then i get a photo link of takuma's picture. i mentioned him by giving him the link and said "hey see.. check this out! his face was like you" i wanted to click the send button but i stopped. i...i cant... my heart said no. i should stop now. i deleted the caption. my heart... my heart were pumping faster than before. but suddenly i ignored my heart.. i refused to listen what was on my mind. i retype the caption and click the send button. after it was sent to him.. then i realized that i had done something that will leads to death. i cursed to myself. i wanted to cancel it. i wanted to delete it then i went to my profile and click the delete button. but as soon as i wanted to click 'ok' for the next step to delete it.. i got a notification and it was from him! he replied my mention. omg i was sooo over the moon! im so excited like i've won something bigggg! he replied "what? no lah it was different.. not at all" i replied! i replied while smiling.. " yes lah! it was same! he was in a japan movie i think you should watch it" and he replied back "okay then, tell me what was the title? insyaAllah i'll watch it if im not busy" then i gave him... we ended our conversation.
i do felt a lil bit sad you know. like.. alahhhh TAK PUAS! i wanted to talk to him againnnn. i wanted to have more conversation with him! but yet i forgot that he has a girlfriend. i shouldnt be the barrier. then i went to sleep as it was already 12.00 am. the next day when i woke up, i checked on my wechat and i had a notification of someone is adding me to his friend list. i clicked on it and i was shocked because it was him! he added me! he wanted to be my friend! but i wonder.. i wonder how he got my id? i didnt even give my id to him. then i accepted him. yes i message him saying thank you for adding me and he replied by saying welcome and ya we started our conversation from that day. it was 28.11.2013. i asked him how did he get my wechat? then he said that it was from my phone number. "your phone number suddenly showed on my mind. i still remember your phone number okay even though it has been 2 years i deleted your number. it never deleted from my mind" hahaha you monkey i know you tried to make me fall for you again. but no im not that easy okay buffalo! i said it alone. we started to get into each other until one day he tried to be silly. he asked me to wake him up for him to go to his class.
back then, 2 years ago he was in form 5. now.... he was a university student. a ump student. i was like... damn you dont you play fool with me. im not going to be fooled by you again butch! you can lie to me 2 years ago but not now. dont play shit with me. and i replied " why would me? why dont you ask your girlfriend to wake you up? im not your maid. it's your girlfriend duty" then he replied "ahhh i want you. please dont be too berkira with me boleh tak? please please please wake this prince up tomorrow or im not going to class. if i dont go to my class tomorrow it was because of you. you dont want to wake me up" i was like aaaaaa you silly boy! dont play with me!!!! shit i hate this. i started to felt guilty. "i dont know your phone number. just kunci jam dekat phone you lah!" he said he'd give it to me but he asked me to guess his phone number. hey you think i want you phone number huh? euwwww! i was telling it to him maybe just on the phone kahkah. but yet my heart.. my heart said different things. it was completely different. but i noticed that he was trying to copy me! " heyyy i was the one who used that technique 2 years ago..." and he said " yes i still remember how difficult it was. perghhhh that's why your phone number still stick on my mind. it was because the game haha" i smiled. i felt so touched! he remembered my phone number.... how....how can he remembered my phone number :'( hmm i wanted to cry. why tiaaa why you being this weak! wake upppp!!! wake up tia! he's trying to test you. stupid moron boy. dont trust him. yes i shouldnt trust him. then i yaaa hm this time i back off. " hmm okay. yelahhhh i'll wake you up but only a call from me. im not going to call you sooo many times tomorrow" then, "yeayyyy!!! okay promise me okay you'll wake me up. i'll only depends on you!" the next day i woke up early in the morning. i started calling him. but he didnt pick it up. so i did as i said, i only call him just for once but i.... i cant. after 5 minutes of ignoring my phone.
i grab it! i called him. until he woke up and answered my call. not just called him, i did sent message on wechat. and yes he woke up! i ended the call and asked him to get ready for his class. then suddenly he sent me a message saying that he was touched by me. i've called him for 88 times and sent him 155 message on wechat just to wake him up. that was the time i realized... i realized my feelings started to grow well.... but i refused to listen to it. nooo im not going to fall for him again. no we're just friend. he has a girlfriend! he's just stupid moron trying to hurt you again. i shouldnt fall for it. days later, he confessed me that he was single. it has been few months that he had been single. so it was a green light to me i guess? hahahaha but nooo i cant! then one day.... he asked me. he asked me "i love someone but im afraid to lose her again if i have any relationship.so what should i do?" my heart... suddenly i felt it stopped from being pumped. i.....i dont know how and what to say. i dont know how to describe my feelings at that time. does it for me? are you trying to give me a hint that you're fall for me again? and can i say that i was that too. yes i fall for you again.... and i answered "hm maybe you should slowly make a move? and...................
TO BE CONTINUED...
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