hi, first of all i would like to say sorry because i've just updated my entry after months? hihihi so i will continue what have been left before. so it begins now.....
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it was raining heavily like cats and dogs out there.... i was madly in love AGAIN with the guy from my past. once again, i never thought my feelings for him still the same like 3 years ago and it even grows bigger and bigger than what i felt back then. i.... i really want to be with him again... i was hoping that both of us have fate to each other. yes i was having that hope that dream, when he asked for my opinion. maybe...maybe i was the only one who feels it. maybe... maybe i was the only one who still putting so much efforts, so much hopes on him while he was looking at the one girl, and it hurts me when it was not me. i was silly, silly that i thought it was me. AGAIN i've been fooled by him. AGAIN i've been hurt by him. AGAIN i'm still attached to him. why... why... and why.... i just dont get it. "tia, can i ask your opinion on this matter?" i replied with the butterlies in my stomach. "Yes? what? even if i don't want to i'm sure that you'd still asking me the question" he is typing... yes... i was hoping...hoping that he would ask me to get back. hahaha am i that silly? yes i was silly crazayy just when it comes to him. "i love someone but i'm afraid of losing her again if i have any relationship with her. so what should i do?" ...... i was speechless. i.... i've been blinded with his care, with his act that made my day... i was so sure it was for me. AGAIN i thought he loves me.
"errr, i think you should make a move if you still loved her" ... "but i dont want to lose her again. i just dont want. can we just be a bestfriend? but im scared too that what if she had a boyfriend later?" .... "if she loves you, time wont be the barrier between you both. just be patience as it's worth to wait but you have to make a confession though" .... "im not ready yet... im going to do it but not now"...... i was really hoping that it was for me. why...why.. i felt like it's really for me? why.... why im so happy to hear that he loves that "someone" who i thought it was me... why i felt so over the moon when he said he would confess to "her" that i thought it was me too, so soon. i....i was really happy. "well, then i wish you a veryyyy veryyy good luck and all the best!"
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weeks later, i posted a picture on wechat. i was at johor bahru to buy some of things that dont have in here, kuantan it have been stated on the wishlist of my brother's wedding ceremony. we made preparations 2 months before the wedding. i was in the car, selfie alone and made a description that my butt was hurt because i was sitting in the car for hours! then, i got a notification! he liked my picture! he also left a comment there... "if you were a new hamburger at mcdonald, you'd be a mcGorgeous" i was startled. i was touched by his words. wawwww such a sweet talker you monkey. i hate you for making me fall for you AGAIN. i just hate you. we never leaves each other then... cehhh i meant, we chatted everyyyyy day. i was so happy till i put aside my ego, my conciousness of not going to fall for him again. i let my feelings grew on him. i let it be.... day by day, i started to love him again but not 100% of that feelings. i was determined to make sure my feelings just when we met again. i wanted to make sure if he still the same like 3 years ago or just me, the one who still being me but i've changed a bit lah. from a bad temper one, to a cool and more calmer. kahkah am i bragging about myself? lol sorry for that. i was in johor for 3 days if im not mistaken. where ever i go, i bring him too, in my wechat. we chatted all day. as we started to get along back, started to feel the loves of him, then he showed me his sort-of-love-feelings to me. or it was just me who thought such things. he started making jokes about love. he started showing me hopes. he started making me trust him AGAIN. i think i was fool. i was moron to feel that way.
we made jokes. he really made my day. i was still felt that i was dreaming for got a chance to talk to him. you know, when you had been longing to something and it appears, how you feel? can you feel what i felt? i was sooo sooooo soooo happy. we did mentioned about watching the sunrise at bukit panorama. i told him that i've been there before when i was in form 2 and he said that he had been there too. we shared our experience there. i can bet that if you go there, you'd be like.... FROZEN with the scenery. really nice. really calm. i went there around 4 am just to watch the sunrise and the moment i reached to the top of the hill, just few minutes later the sun comes up, goes up and it wassss sooooo soooo beautiful! "hey i would like to watch the sunrise with you. so when can we go there together?" .... omg?! did he just asked me out? i meant, go there with him?! watching the beautiful scenery of mother earth together?! REALLY?! i was so over the moon when he asked me to go watch the sunrise with him. "really? but i think im not going to make it this year because im going to be busy with my spm things plus, im a science student so i should struggle more for the best results." ...... "alaaa then when can we go there together? after your spm? seriously?! it took a year lah if it's so" .... "hmm then go with your friends lah" ....."i wanted to go there with you. okay as you said, patience is the best key. so im going to wait for you. if i can wait for you for 2 years why not another one year right?" lol i was laughing. are you pulling my teeth off? because i could smell your lies. he said he waited me for 2 years? then what's with his girlfriend back then? this time you being a real monkey huh!
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we made a promise. we made a promise that we're going to watch the sunrise at the panorama hills with someone that we really loved. we're not going to the hill with simply people. he promised me he would wait a year for me to go there just to watch the sunrise together. he gave me hopes. AGAIN he made me trust him. a week later i was at home. do nothing as it was still raining in kuantan. it was raining heavily! the water level from the drains at our house area had been increasing. the rains did not stop. the clouds keep crying.... it show how sad it was while me, still blooming on the inside because of him. 3 hours later, the water had increased and flowed in our house. that was the moment my family told me that we're going to face flood! our house area going to be filled with full of flood! so we packed. we took an action by packing our things and stayed in the hotel. we brought our cats too. we left our cats at their hotel. at the same time, his place was also on progressed of having flood. he was at his university places, the ump, gambang. he said he was worried with something that he had been left in his file with his certificates. he called his mom but there's no answer. he wanted to go there. he wanted to go back home just to save that "thing". "whatever it is, im going back home to save it. i loved it so much. im hoping that the flood doesnt rised till the level of i kept my file." at that time, our state had been attacked with the creepy flood. almost half or our state had been filled with flood including my house area. the road which filled with flood had been closed. and he still stick to his will. i was actually felt he was stupid for putting so much efforts on saving the thing that was in his file. hello, it was just a PAPER! well, i was actually worried about him. he asked me to wait him cause he wanted to go there and find it. so i waited.
"hey, you know what? im so happy because the creepy flood doesnt eat my loved one thing. hihi" a message popped up on my phone. " eh hiii. really? Alhamdulillah" ......" do you want to see it? it's still nice to see you know. still the same like 2 years ago" then i received a picture. i was speechless. yes. i was startled. i was touched too. it was my picture. back then, 2 years ago, we've been changing our little baby small cutie pie look picture. he had mine and i had his. i never thought that he still had my picture. 3 years ago, it was 3 years lah including this year, 2014. 3 years ago, when we broke up. i asked him to give my picture back because we dont have any relationship though but he said that he had threw it away and he cant find it. can you feel what i felt?! back then, he said he threw it away and it hurts me. but after this long, he had been keeping my picture nicely in his file. he even did something that was really can harm him by facing the horrendous flood just wanted to save my picture. can you feel what i felt? im so touched. but, did he do that because he loved me? did he do that just wanted to impress me? did he do that because he's sincere towards his feelings? did he? did he do that to show how much he loves me? did he? i have so many questions on my mind. i was wondering too many things. and i realized that my feelings started to develop again. but still, i refused to listen to my heart. we've been facing this problem together along the flood season. cehhh season kononnn.
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it have been 2 weeks after the flood. the rain started to stop. the condition of our places had been back to normal again. now it was time to do the clean and clear activity. we have lost so many things. about 95% of our house had been ruined by the flood. but still, we did contact each other. "tia, what if i said i still loves you?" ..... can i faint now!?! i wanted to faint! because im so happy that he had confessed to me. he said that he still loves me! shit man because i believed it. i was stupid i guess. my mind was saying that i should be happy because this was what i waited for. "hahaha r u kidding?" ...... "i still love you".... i changed topic because i dont know what to say. plus im so happy. so sooo happy. felt like it was a miracle. only then, i covered like i dont feel anything "i want to watch hobbit 2 lah :( hmm " then he replied "then let's watch it together 13.12.13? " ..... " uhhh hmmmm..." i........ i.......
TO BE CONTINUED......
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